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Do not buy your bouquets.
I have had my experiences with the emotion that comes after birth, leaving me with the perception that there is a range from "baby blues" to postnatal depression. Many of us are sitting somewhere in the center, moving back and forth between the sense of being okay and the sense of everything going terribly awry.
This first year, to cite Ronan, it's a roller coaster ride. Most sadly, most of us have beaten ourselves - felt responsible for not getting along or being less than satisfied with an opportunity that in some cases we have been working on for nine month but much longer.
This in turn can mean that we remain silent about how we feel, or even don't really realize that something is going on. Best way I can describe how I felt in the month after my two baby's arrival was that I was in the mist. It was sometimes thick and sometimes black and I felt terribly unhappy, sometimes furious (mostly at my husband).
Most of the goddamn day I just had the impression that my lucky days were somehow repressed. There was no way I could let go and just unwind, a permanent sense of fear and that there was something that needed to be done. It often resulted in the furious exchange with my man; he didn't sense this fear so overwhelmingly and personally, and as far as he could see we had mostly lucky wholesome kittens, so I should calm down.
A few of them may have the feeling that they have found their place in their lives and are satisfied. When I say that I haven't felt that way in the first few month, I don't think I'm alone. Recently a boyfriend who had a baby wrote to me: "I am feeling...up and down& generally a kind of shade of my former self, because all I do is take care of others and somehow forget what I am or what I do!
Actually, I think she is explaining it perfect; for that amount of space of time it might seem like everything that gave you a good feeling about yourself, or just yourself, is missing. Many of us probably find this the first year in our life that we can stay home alone, with only a few socialites, and it is quite a lonely moment.
If my brains ticked forward to the next job - feeding the baby, sleeping them, making it home or wringing out a chest on a parking bench or stopping the truck and feeding a layman who' s being observed by trucks. He would say, "But haven't you met someone today?" and I would be angry about his trip to work, where he could be reading a newspaper and taking it out from home.
Often, the conversation didn't really sound "real" anyway, according to who I met. Someday the baby has had a good night's sleep, the feedings are distributed and successfully, you have succeeded in washing and eating, the home is not a railway accident and your spouse takes it home for bathing. Those few nights, I felt like a beacon.
It all collapses so quickly; when the sleep or feed goes awry, you wrap up too much, don't care about yourself and find out all of a sudden that you're locked up and near crying and don't know what to do to get to the end of the work.
What surprised me the most, especially after my first baby, was that this little bunch had complete emotional command over my feelings. You know, and you also know from your own experiences that every single and every single one will be different and that there will be some crappy ones, but it doesn't say that the next one will be another.
They also know that these extraordinarily difficult first few month will come to an end. Adaptation as a pair needs times; the change of priorities, the frustrated temperaments, the absence of enough space for each other and oh the resentments. Recently my man had worked really hard and I sent him an SMS to tell him that I love him and was hoping that his days would go well.
A few month ago I wouldn't have written this because all this while I was too mad and too preoccupied with making myself feel like the harsh thing someone did in our relation. In retrospect, a more rational spirit and a bit of sleeping, I can see that most of the times he couldn't help but feel the things I felt annoyed about - he had to go to work, I had to carry the main burden of child care and our house, he couldn't milk etc etc etc etc. etc.
He' after all - and don't get mad, boys - is still a man. I think in both cases I probably felt myself up and down in a radio in the first 6-12 month. He said something stupid and I was laughing and we both pulled over and glanced at each other - it was a real, lucky smile and it was sounding all weird.
It no longer made me overcome by this endless (but often insignificant) long line of things to do, I wanted to get back in touch with old acquaintances, and when I did, it was as it always was. Couple this sensation with a days of the female lion and, let me tell you, it is a sensation as if you were at the top of the earth, a chorus of angel sings and you sense AIVE.
The first year is hard and I don't think you're in the minority when you fight. It is important to find out what makes you more calm - helping with feeding, holding as a familiy on weekends, spending outside hours or anything else - and doing it.
When Mabel was a few month old, I went to the doctors and we worked out a schedule in case I didn't get more luck. To go to the physician was an admission that I did not seem to be feeling well, and in itself the activity was helping to speak about it. It' not always going to be the case that the first individual you speak to can fix you up.
When you reappear on these Löwin day with a clear mind - and you will - you can stop and take a second to see how far you have come. Spouse to Doug, mother to Buster (7), Mabel (5) and Baby Frank, priest's daugther and siblings to five.